rachelautumn: (Default)
Dear lovely people:

DUMBASSERY


That's why I haven't spread out my grandma's quilt and made a nice sunny spot here for you, with one of the more pacific of the cats I've had over the years all curled up. (Just knock that vicious one on his little furry tuchus.)

I just can't figure out how to do anything on my LJ journal other than turn it this odd shade of brown.

So step right up to my kitchen table and I'm making you pancakes.  (If I could put this part under the cut, I would.)

Your knees might be up to your ears a bit. It's a kid table. Oh and it's a little warped because the children paint and the cat knocks over everyone's water glass. But the pancakes are good.

Now I've noticed that quite often Arthur and Merlin make each other pancakes, the morning after. I mean apart from the times they have burnt toast and canned beans.

Chances are they are doing it wrong. So here is the definitive guide to making pancakes presented to you by DUMBASS. I mean, me.

1. Use a medium sized bowl and a two cup pyrex liquid measuring cup and a little teeny-tiny bowl that you have lying around because you can't resist little teeny-tiny bowls.  Anything more and you may have to do dishes. I don't clean.

2. In the medium bowl put two cups of flour. 1 tsp bakings soda, 1 tsp baking powder and a dash of cinnamon or nutmeg

Flours come in three types: Use All You Want, A Little Won't Hurt and Don't Bother

UAYW- white, whole wheat pastry,rice, oat, chestnut, millet, corn
ALWH-regular whole wheat flour, teff flour, almond flour,
DB-----buckwheat, rye, quinois, garbanzo bean, spelt

3.  In the pyrex mix together: two cups of liquid, (measure this first or you may have to use a fourth container), 1-3 eggs, vanilla

Liquid should be alive.  Any of the following are good:

Buttermilk
Yoghurt + milk
live culture coconut pudding + almond milk  (or similar)

4. Add 2 TBS of liquid fat.  (oil or microwave butter in the teeny-tiny bowl)  DO NOT ADD TO LIQUID FIRST.  It should float on top a little.

5. Mix briefly.  Leave lumps.  Leave sitting around while you prepare griddle.

6.  Non stick griddles are great.  Big flat iron ones, long seasoned are better.  If you don't have either of those (and why would you?) just make sure that you don't rub down with fat more than once or twice.

7. Tap faucet to get drops of water and fling with that Greek gesture that means I curse you to hell onto hot suface.  If it sizzles, you can pour pancake with quarter cup measuring cup I forgot to mention earlier.

8.  Before they bubble and need to be turned over, add the disgusting chocolate chips that your husband and children insist on .... I mean whatever you like:  Blueberries, bananas and walnuts etc.

9.  Sit down and eat with me!  I gave you strong coffee, little fruit servings in teeny-tiny bowls in fiesta colors, white fish, bacon and orange juice in teeny-tiny cups.  The Maple syrup is from Vermont but I've also included sour cream and jam because ....well I'll tell you when I make GRANDPA ABE'S CHEESE PANCAKES.

TELL THE BOYS!

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rachelautumn

January 2017

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